Meeting My Son For The First Time.

I lifted my head up in time to see the doctor hold up our son. His little arms and legs spread out wide for the very first time. Korina through shivering teeth asked how he was while she held my hands. And the words I spoke were a profound statement of astonishment at the wonder that is new human life. “HE’S SO PURPLE!”

I have a way with words.  But let’s back up a bit.

We nervously walked into the hospital around 5am on January 6th 2016. The hospital was silent. Killian had, had a due date of Jan 2nd but that had come and gone. If there is one thing that was true then, as it is now, that little boy loves his mom and he wanted to stay with her as long as possible. We checked in and carried our bags, pillows, and new baby gear towards the elevators.  I could tell Korina was nervous, scared and excited. She looked beautiful.  I didn’t really know what to say to her other than she was going to be amazing and that everything was going to go great and how much I loved her! I have honestly never been more scared or worried in my life. I kept telling myself the only thing I can do was to trust in Korina, trust in the doctors and be the best husband I could be. All of this while trying to keep a calm strong demeanor for her. The elevator doors closed and we exchanged a deep breath and a nervous smile that said “are we really ready for this?”
The delivery room was huge. Larger than we expected. Before long both of our families showed up and Korina started to be induced around 7am.10313770_10153784025791287_7297936144660716883_n  The contractions were steady and the pain built and built. The nurse that she had was amazing. The nurse told her to get the epidural early so it would be easier to put in before the contractions grew too painful and that way we wouldn’t run into the “It’s too late for the epidural, you’re going natural!” Korina spent weeks crafting the perfect birth plan. Korina wanted a vaginal birth with direct skin to skin contact right after, breastfeeding, and a slew of other powerful attachment moments.   Little did we know that in the hours ahead, that would all go out the window.

We laughed, talked and supported Korina, all cheering her on telling her she was doing such a great job.  Hour after hour her nurse would come in and say that Korina was still only 3cm dilated. The day turned into night and then midnight rolled in bringing us January 7th, the day our son would be born. Korina’s Doctor had finally given the ultimatum of the C section.  Which wasn’t particularly planned for.  The C section was more of an afterthought if anything. A “It might happen, but I’m certain you’ll be able to deliver vaginally!” Korina’s doctor told her that we would need to move quick if we decided to go with the C section. Korina was scared. I was scared.12524313_10153784027246287_8222254310905950684_n  She had never gone through a major surgery before and the one in front of her was daunting to say the least. We shared an intense moment that I could never really describe as we finalized that the c section would happen.  I did my best to joke and be silly while putting on the sanitary clothing because let’s face it the clothes are comical and those jokes write themselves.

As the nurses rolled Korina out of the room we left our families and friends behind us, the last time our parents would see us as just their children.12417843_10153784028916287_2860903180030235700_n

I held Korina’s hand as the hallways winded forever through the empty silent hospital. It was nearly one in the morning. Looking back on it all I felt like I was watching the whole event, almost like I followed along.  We turned a final corner and a nurse told me that I had to wait outside while they finalized and sanitized the surgery room. I kissed Korina and watched her disappear behind two doors, the windows only tall thin strips. I was okay to wait outside the doors, but a nurse quickly came up to me and maneuvered me behind a set of doors opposite of the room Korina was in. The doors shut leaving me only the ability to peer through the thin window of my door in through the thin window of korina’s operating room.  All I could see were doctors moving quickly scrubbing in, putting on masks, paper clothing and hair nets.  I stood alone in this large room with all but two overhead lights on. I waited for what felt like hours but I was maybe alone with my fear for only five minutes.  I wanted nothing more than to be by Korina’s side. I couldn’t imagine where she was the fear that comes with 17 hours of labor and to be suddenly taken in for a C-section at one in the morning.

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Finally a nurse came for me and brought me in, as I  took in the room I noticed the pale blue curtain separating Korina from the procedure. Her doctor was applying the golden red sanitary liquid to her stomach in preparation.  I turned the corner and Korina was laying there more beautiful than I had ever seen her, she was scared but she was stronger than her fear.  I grabbed her hands and told her I loved her and was proud of how brave she was as the doctor told her that she would feel some pressure.  Korina was chattering from the cold and the effects of the epidural. I starting blathering about places we’ve been “Remember the beach in Destin, or walking down Main Street?” Trying to say anything to help her through, I felt helpless but wanted nothing more than to help.  The nurse said here he comes, talking about Killian of course. Korina asked how he was, I lifted my head in time to see Killian Jaymes being pulled up from Korina’s stomach and surprised and amazed said “He’s so purple!” and he was.  The nurses lovingly took Killian over to the warmer and began their work of cleaning. A nurse asked If I was ready to go see Killian but I didn’t want to leave Korina just yet. She had never looked so strong and triumphant as she did in that moment.  I couldn’t tell you how proud I am to that I get to be her husband.

The nurse touched my shoulder and said that it was time to cut the cord. I kissed Korina and told her I was going to go meet our son and that I would bring him back to her. Nurses were huddled around Killian and I couldn’t see him fully yet until I made my way right beside them. And there he was. Blonde haired, blue eyed, vibrant pink skin, fingers clutching and stretching he wasn’t crying just observing the foreign world of shapeless colors that was his new home.  I can’t remember the exact first words I spoke to him because I was honestly overwhelmed to meet him but I know they were something to the effect of “Hi, you’re perfect”. I was handed a pair of gold scissors and I went to cut the cord. It was surprisingly difficult and I had to snip three times to get a clean cut. He didn’t cry just laid there still taking in the world a look of confusion on his face.  I cried as a nurse picked him up and swaddled him in her hands, I followed them in an exhausted daze as we went to introduce Killian to the most important woman in our lives.  Korina’s first words to him were “HI”

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For the first time in my life I looked down and saw the universe, my whole life had been building up to this moment, seeing these two perfect souls meeting, even now as I’m typing my chest feels heavy from the memory. It was one of those rare moments of pure elation.

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If you would like to watch the video from the day Killian was born:

Thanks for reading.

-Dillon

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